Lance's New Toy

Our son, Joe, is coming home from Sicily in two weeks. We are very excited to have him home and to help him transition from military to civilian life.  Joe needed a car so we decided to give him Lance's old Dodge pick up truck.  It runs well, and it will get him where he needs to go...at least for awhile.

Initially, Lance and I planned on purchasing a new truck at the end of this year, but obviously with Joe's arrival, our plans changed.

Lance and I are a little dangerous for each other because we are too much alike with our impulsive behavior/actions.  We casually looked at vehicles with the intent of possibly purchasing at the end of the summer, but yesterday, Lance and I impulsively decided to go to a car dealership after work and before we knew it, we drove off the car lot after 9 p.m. with a new truck.

We looked at two models of a Dodge Ram.  The difference in price was $4,600 but one model had EVERYTHING.  Lance was hesitant to go with the upgrade, but I told him he should get what he really wants.  He is not in his 20s anymore.  He is in 50s, and at that age, my belief is that you worked hard your entire life and you should be able to buy what you want so we did it!  We bought ourselves a 2013 Dodge Ram Laramie.  We initially looked at the Chevy Silverados but the cost was almost $10,000 more.  Lance currently has a Dodge Ram and he absolutely loves it!



I'm weird.  I photograph everything, embarrassing Lance in the process. Here we are with our salesman.




Before the purchase...waiting for the paperwork to come through









posing.....

So let's get to the fun stuff.....all the cool features and gadgets of the truck!!  I'm not going to describe all the details about the engine; I won't pretend that I know what I'm talking about.

• heated front and rear seats
• air conditioned seats (so on a hot sweaty day, your ass wont get so wet)
• navigation system
• satellite radio
• wi-fi center
• heated steering wheel
• adjustable brake/gas pedals that move forward for short people (this is something i really need because I'm so short that I push the car seat all the way forward so my chest is almost touching the steering wheel--not exactly safe)
• camera for backing up
• Tow things in the front and back of the car
• blue tooth
• outlet (a regular one) so we can plug in our laptop or curling iron? Weird.
• leather seats
• wood trim
• electric seats with lumbar support on passenger side
• a window in the rear that slides open so we can pet the dogs

   

Lance's new bigger truck with his older truck (This looks like Daddy and son trucks which equates to Lance and Joe.  Isn't that cute?)

 

Rear seat 

I want Lance happy.  He deserves it.  Frankly, I'm a lousy driver.  I hit stationary things all the time so I'm less inclined to drive this big ole truck.  Maybe one day though if it was absolutely necessary....... 

My Dad (An Early Father's Day Tribute)

People frequently have commented how much I resemble my mother, not only physically but characteristically as well.  I can identify with those comparisons, but as much as I am like my mother, I am very much like my father as well.

If I were to describe my dad…..loud, obnoxious, crude, vulgar, doesn’t give a sh*t what people think, full of vices, fun, funny, embarrassing, instigator, selfless, hardworking, giving, sensitive, emotional, caring, easy to talk to, and extremely generous….

My dad, Roy S. Fellows, was born in Paducah, Kentucky, but was raised in a large family in New Orleans.  He is the oldest (twin) son in a family of six children.  As a youth, my dad was a rebel and a trouble maker.  He did not do well in school.  It wasn't because he was stupid, but he just didn't really give a sh*t.  He also started smoking at a young age after being cut from the track team. He was runner like me.  He was very athletic which is something I inherited from him. Shortly after graduation, he enlisted in the army and was later sent to Saigon, Vietnam where he met my mother.  Both my mom and dad have retold the story of their fateful meeting. He was reading Gone with the Wind, and she approached him saying, “you must be the last person in the world to read that book”.  My dad married my mom even though her family did not approve.  Her parents did not attend the wedding. My mom's father was a high ranking official in the South Vietnamese army, and my dad, an enlisted man, was not good enough.  They had three children together, and by the time, we came into the picture, my mom's parents accepted my dad. I know being the first grand kids played a heavy role in that.  Before the fall of Saigon, my dad took us all back to the states where we spent the next few years living the life of army brats.



My Dad and my Mom at their wedding in Saigon, Vietnam in 1969.

My dad has a loud, boisterous personality.  Most people find him either very offensive or hilarious.  For me, he is hilarious and just FUN.  However,  he can be incredibly embarrassing.  He is obnoxious and can be crude, blunt, and shocking. He will test people’s limits by making completely inappropriate comments.  He just doesn’t give a sh*t.  People who can shrug off some of the things he says are the ones who get along famously with him. When I was growing up, my friends loved hanging out with my dad.  He was very involved with us as children, coaching our athletic teams.

Photo from last summer - My dad with my bra on.  He insisted that I post it on Facebook.

My dad loving on Lance. 

My dad showing his fun side.

My dad is also the hardest working man.  Being an enlisted man in the army, we did not have a lot of money so my dad worked two jobs to provide for his family.  As a child,  I remember him delivering newspapers (before he went to his day job) for that extra income. 



Dad with the three of us. 



My dad is also the most generous man I have ever known. 

What I love and respect most about my dad is the relationship he and my mother had.  They separated when I was 13 years old and finalized their divorce when I was about 18.  My dad had an affair, and he ended his marriage to my mom.  I don’t blame my dad for the affair.  I love my parents deeply, but some people just are not meant to be together.  Obviously and as expected, the divorced created some hurt and anger, but what I love about my parents is how they behaved in the years after the divorce.  We continued to do things as a family.  I’m not saying we took every vacation together, but there were many many times over the holidays or even non-holidays that we would all get together, which is incredibly unique. Most divorce couples do not sustain a close relationship with their ex spouse, but my parents did.  In fact, when I write about this, it makes me cry.  I have many memories of my dad, mom, and my siblings together sharing good times “after the divorce”.   Most couples end up hating each other and could never tolerate being in the same room with each other.  My parents were an extraordinary exception.  There are videos of all of us just hanging out as a family even though my parents were no longer married.  I cannot emphasis what an effect that had on me.

My parents would still complain negatively about each other (like an old married couple), but there was never a doubt in my mind that they loved each other deeply.  I know they were not in love, but they loved each other.

During one of the family times where we all spent time together as a family even though my parents were not married anymore.  My mom was undergoing chemo treatment.  My dad's sweet wife, Pilar, is to the left of him.

Not the best photo of my mom because she has something stuck in her teeth, but it shows how special the relationship my parents had....they were divorced but still cared deeply for each other.  This is my parents with my nephew Aidan.

My dad with my mom's mother and sister.  My parents divorced, but my mom's family always loved my dad.  He helped get them all to this country.

My mom was diagnosed with Ovarian cancer, and she bravely battled this disease for almost five years.  She stopped working and had to undergo vigorous treatment.  Her medical bills were astronomical, and she asked my dad if he would financially help her.  My dad had remarried, and there was no obligation.  Their divorce was finalized over 20 years ago.  What makes my dad such an extraordinary and giving man was my dad began to send my mom money every month to help her with medical bills.  He continued this until the day she died.  I have to give credit to his wonderful wife, Pilar, too. He remarried an amazing woman who didn't complain about my dad sending money to his ex wife.  I will never forget what he and Pilar did for my mom when she was sick.

In addition, during my mom’s last few days when she was drifting in and out of consciousness, she began to talk about my dad.  We called my dad and told him that mom kept talking about him.  My dad took the next plane out and was in California the very next day.  My mom was barely conscious, but I could hear my dad telling her that he loved her and that it was because of her that Yvette, Leroy, and I had turned out so well.  He was there with her when she died.

My dad may not have made the most money.  He may not have been super successful in a career.  He may have divorced my mom.  He may have embarrassed the hell out of me many times.  He may smoke like a chimney and drink like a fish.  He may be crude and obnoxious, but I will say this…..there is no man with a more giving, generous, and kind soul than my dad.  

I have been married twice. In my first marriage, I kept my maiden name.  When I married Lance, he really wanted me to take “Wade”. I could not give up the “Fellows” so I became Fellows-Wade.  It was not just about independence.  It was also because I am proud.  I am proud of my family.  I am proud to be a Fellows. Most importantly, I am very,very proud to be Roy S. Fellows’ daughter. 

I am his daughter. I think God blessed me with a really amazing dad, but he is more than that.  He is a really, really good man. 

with his only two granddaughter

  

Grandpa sleeping with the kids.

Memorial Day Weekend

Over last week's long Memorial Day weekend, Lance and I agreed that he would spend the four days off working on the boat.  My dad and brother were scheduled to visit, but the plans got cancelled at the last minute.  I wanted to be productive over the weekend so my long weekend project was to paint Mia's bedroom.  She chose a beautiful, soft lilac purple, and it accents beautifully with her pink bed and decor.  We took her to Home Depot where she picked the color and got to actually mix/make her own paint. She was super excited about that!  The kids spent the weekend at their dad so this was just a wonderful opportunity to take care of business.

Mixing her paint at Home Depot

Smiling and Happy (at Home Depot)

  



Mia's finished room



All Done!

Lance and I don't do very well too long apart.  One night apart is difficult; two nights apart is unbearable.  Our long weekend apart didn't quite last that long.  Lance convinced me to catch the train down on Sunday morning.  We had lunch in San Diego and justed lounged on the flybridge of Tide the Knott, watching the boats come in and out of San Diego harbor.  It was something our relationship needed.  We needed time alone.  We see each other all the time, but with kids, dogs, work, and all the other typical demands of life---its hard to have "romance". 

I arrived in San Diego on the Amtrak Train at 12:30 p.m.  Lance took me to lunch before we headed to Tide the Knott. 



I am just so impressed at Lance's capabilities.  The boat is progressing; it may be a slow progression but each step is an inch forward.  It amazes me how skilled he is.....the v-berth was incredibly filthy and dark.  I was scared to enter it because it was so dark. I was afraid that rats were in there.  Lance installed a complete electrical system and now, it is so brightly lit .  What was once such a dark frightening room was full o light.  He also did the plumbing, and the boat now has water.  He tore out the upstairs bathroom, and his next project is to completely rennovate the upstairs bathroom.  There was rotted wood throughout the boat, and he had to use his amazing carpentry skills to rebuild the walls, port holes etc.  What man is capable of doing all this? Electrical, carpentry, plumbing....and on top of that be brilliant in politics, computer software, strategic planning etc....

I truly think I'm the luckiest woman in the world.

Let the Games Begin!

It is funny how life does a complete circle even without any intentional guidance from us. My dad loved basketball, and he shared his passion with us as children.  Leroy, my brother, is a phenomenal basketball player.  When my mom purchased our house in Garden Grove, I remember Leroy installed an actual in-ground basketball hoop (not the portable kind) in our large backyard.  We played many games with family and friends on that court. 

Lance was an all star in high school and made the team at BYU (only to be cut later).  I never really encouraged basketball on Dylan, but somehow, he found a way to the sport. The game is now spreading onto Brandon.  We have been faithfully watching the playoffs and after a disappointing defeat of our OKC Thunder, Lance and I are rooting for Memphis Grizzlies to advance, while Dylan is all in favor of the San Antonio Spurs.  I've never been so into a professional sport as I am now into basketball. 

Dylan is graduating from 8th grade next month.  He is also turning 14 years old next month.  So for his birthday and graduation gift, we purchased a top of the line portable basketball hoop.  It took a day for Lance to put the thing together.  Before we purchased it, I was guaranteed that the basketball hoop could fit in our garage. We live in a townhouse complex, and it is against the home owners association regulations to have the hoop permanently fixed outside.  I should have put money on that guarantee because guess what? The basketball hoop does NOT NOT NOT fit in our garage.  It has to be laid down on the ground to be stored and now, we have this massive basketball hoop laying in the middle of our garage with Lance's half built dingy.  The garage that I wasn't suppose to have for only 6 months is probably going to be a garage that I wont have for the rest of Dylan's life at home.

But I'm not going to complain....it is FUN!!  Dylan's friends and our neighbors have come over, and we played a game.  What a workout! Most importantly, it also builds quality family time. So I may not have a garage, but I have a pretty awesome basketball hoop. 

Anyone up for a game?



The height can be adjusted from 7.5 feet to 10 feet.  This is at 9 feet.



Building a strong brotherly bond



Lance and Bella watching Brandon shoot

Where Do We Spend Our Days? And What Do We Do?

Lance and I both work for the Orange County Transportation Authority (OCTA).  OCTA is the primary  transportation agency for Orange County, California. OCTA provides bus transit services, rail service, 91 Express Lanes toll facility, freeway improvements, street and road improvements, vanpool, rideshare options, freeway service patrol, taxi administration, and long-range transportation planning. 

I have been at OCTA for more than half of my life.  I started my career here at 18. I am on my 23rd year here.  I will retire here.  I have EXTRAORDINARY benefits.  Lance has worked here for five years.  He started as a consultant and had no intention of long-term employment. (Obviously that changed when he met me.)

So we work at OCTA, but what exactly do we do?

Lance is the Strategic Plan Officer.  He provides leadership, direction, planning, administration, and oversight for the development, implementation, and maintenance of the OCTA Strategic Plan, the Board Chairman's Initiatives as well as the CEO Initiatives and Action Plan.  He is responsible for strategic and business process improvements, performance metrics and reporting of metrics to all stakeholders.  He analyzes dvision and department program performance, industry trends, existing, or new regulatory requirements and their impact on business operations.

He is a part of the Human Resources division and works in a separate one-story building.  I am in the tower on the top floor in the Executive Office (12th floor).

This is where Lance spends his day.

View of his Office

He is important.  He gets an office.  I am a peon.  I get a cubicle.

Lance commuted from San Diego to OCTA daily (insanity!!!).  It is a 90 min - 2 hour commute.

Lance started at OCTA in the procurement/contract departments as a consultant but he was recognized for his talents and assigned to create the first ever strategic plan for the OCTA.  Because of this new assignment, he began to work closely with the CEO office; thus, he was introduced to me.  Had the reassignment never occurred, we would have never really interfaced.

Below is a link of the actual Strategic Plan that Lance did. I am proud of him.  I dont expect you to read the document, but it is his most significant work product at OCTA.  He is currently updating it. 

http://www.octa.net/pdf/stratplan11.pdf

I am the Administrative Assistant to the CEO. Basically, I manage the CEO's calendar, draft letters/memos in support of him, arrange/prepare all travel, process expense reports, review/edit every document submitted to the CEO for signature.  (This is where my English degree is heavily used.).  I act as the agent of the CEO, communicating his directives etc.  I serve as a liasion between the CEO and the OCTA Board, legislative officials, other agencies, and internal employees.  I work in an extremely political environment , which requires me to be very politically astute.  I interface regularly with influential Orange County elected officials as well state level elected officials.  

My job is extremely fast-paced and intense.  To be honest, if I were to leave this position, no one internally would apply for it.  It is regarded as being way too stressful.  This is going to appear incredibly arrogant, but it is a fact (not an opinion, but a fact) --  I am good, damn good at what I do.   I have established a very solid reputation with public agencies in Southern California.  I'm respected and well known by CEOs in the region.  I have transitioned three permanent CEOs and a few interim CEOs .  Each CEO has a different style, weaknesses, and strengths, but each one has expressed that I am the best assistant they ever had.  I have been encouraged to seek professional growth/promotions by all of them, but I lack ambition.  If I were ambitious, I could move anywhere, because I have the support of these influential leaders. 

I have a very unique presence in the CEO office because I say the most insulting, inappropriate comments to ALL of the CEOs I have ever worked for....other employees often are shocked at what comes out of my mouth.  It is always done in humor, but I have had some good put downs.  I think one of the reasons why I have bonded so well with these executives is because no one talks to them the way I do, and to them, it is refreshing.

Lance often is shocked at what I say, and he is surprised at how I am able to get away with it....here is an example.  Lance's boss (executive director) had his shirt monogramed with the initials PJG.  I saw the man and casually asked, "Oh your shirt is monogrammed? What does the J stand for?"  He replied, "Joseph." I then said, "Really? Are you sure it doesn't stand for JACKASS?" 

This is me with two of the CEOs I have supported.  They both are fighting over me. 

Lance and I both have one employee under us.  Lance has a part time intern.  He is a one-man show so if he were to resign, the OCTA would suffer because there is no back up to do his job.  I have a lower level clerical position under me which I provide supervision too as well.

This is my cubicle...where I spend my day.

So that's where we spend most of our days.....at the OCTA.  I do love this place. I have grown up here, and OCTA has been very good to me.

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My Quotes (Quotes/Excerpts from My Personal Journals)

To be honest, my blog is not an unadulterated journal.  I write with an audience in mind.  I use to believe that writing was necessary to my existence.  I needed to write.  At the age of 13 years old, I began my first journal.  I diligently and faithfully wrote in my journal until I was 33. Life then became too complicated and interfered with writing.  I now only write periodically.  I use to do a majority of my writing while at work. In fact, I wrote my autobiography at that time.  People often said I would get bored in a position because I needed intellectual stimulation, but I don't really get bored.  I write. I remember. I explore. I can create my own intellectual stimulation.

I think exercise took the place of  running.  It became my therapy.  Writing was put to the side, and sadly, I now notice I only write in my journal when I'm distressed over something, which unfortunately presents a completely distorted perception of reality.

I use to not only write in a journal, but I use to write regularly for enjoyment.  I have binders at home where I organized my writing.  They are categorized as follows:  Essays, Quotes, Misc. Works, Poetry.  I recently perused through these binder, and in that Quote binder were excerpts from my journal. I've changed alot in the years.  I'm still a romantic, but I'm not so influenced by classical literature.  I'm much more comfortable with who I am, and I'm a much happier person.

I want to write more, but I just can't seem to commit.  What happened?  I wish I knew....I have incomplete writings all over....I lack the discipline to continue....anyway, I thought I'd share some quotes from my personal journals.  One of these days, my kids will inherit that collection of books, and they will know how interesting and yet neurotic their mother was....



My mind is a mediocrity.  My heart is a genius.

In chaos, I shall fine peace.

My heart is your soul's sanctuary.

My heart is stained with your life.

I will love you with an intensity known to few.

My heart has a singular mind of its own, and it refuses to follow any other path than the one it paves for itself...a complete disregard for me and the general improvement of my fate.

Everything affects me in such a deep way.  I feel so vulnerable to everything. I do believe I live without skin.

I have nothing but shit in my mouth so let me shut up before I cover you in it.

I feel quite peaceful and calm.  That is the key to serenity...not to think. I must do this more often.

I wish I could be stronger with a "fuck you" attitude.  It's just that I feel and care too much.

I fear small talk.  It is a cursed disease and I hate to be inflicted with its germs.

When will this journal be complete so i will never have to look back on the pain that is still fresh in my soul.

I cannot keep up with the pace that my mind travels in.

I think all the answers to the world lie in oneself...

I know I can get/have a boyfriend so easily but my heart is being an ass and not allowing this.

I need people too much, and I despise that about myself.

I want love...like Maggie (Mill on the Floss)...it's the greatest need in my nature.

You see the worst and best in humanity in the same experience.

My soul has an insatiable hunger for knowledge.

I am thoroughly disgusted by my ingratitude for all the beauty in my life.

Sometimes wounds heal, but the scars are there to remind us of what once was...

I am in love with myself.

How my existence depends so much on the existence of others!

My capability of loving too passionately is my weakness, because that is where the vulnerability of my character exists.

Happiness is, in a sense, deceptive, because with happiness comes sadness.  You cannot be happy without sadness.  Those two are eternally wedded.  The more profound your happiness is then the more profound your sadness will be.

I have an insatiable need for passionate love...the depth and sensitivity of my emotional capacity isolates me from my peers.

Idealism makes man strong, but reality makes man wise.

Mother's Day 2013

First, I am on medication so I'm a little drowsy and my writing may reflect my less than alert state. I just wanted to say thanks to five wonderful children and one husband for making my Mother's Day special.  Mother's Day has always been emotionally difficult.  I have celebrated four Mother's Day without my Mother, and each time, I wake up feeling exceptionally sensitive and vulnerable.  I miss her.  I love her, and I know she is watching over me. 

Mother's Day 2013 

Lance was down in San Diego for the morning of Mother's Day so I started my day with a difficult 6.25 mile run.  The day before, I ran 9.3 miles, and I was feeling so strong that I could have easily ran a half marathon.  However, today, my body was tired, and it took mental willpower to run. Why is it on some days you can run fast for an eternity and other days, it is a struggle to do a slow mile?

After my run, I later took the kids to the pool to escape from the heat.  Lance came home mid afternoon, and we all went to eat Chinese food for an early dinner.  I'm Asian, and I will always prefer Asian food to any type of food.  We got a cake from Baskin Robbins, and I opened presents.

Before dinner

Three Best Things That Ever Happened to Me!



Getting kissed!

 

I got some really awesome presents.  Lance gave me OKC Thunder paraphernalia.  I've become an OKC fan fanatic.  I'm passionately watching the playoffs.  Dylan made me a scrapbook.  Mia gave me an oven mitt that she made. She also gave me back my purse that I had given her.  It was a nice to get something that already belonged to me. She also gave me one banana and some mints.  I don't know where she got the banana idea from but it was in my gift bag.  Brandon made me a booklet of 10 Things I Love About My Mom, but what I loved even more were the coupons he had made...Coupons included things like "One Coupon to Stop Being Annoying"...."Coupon to Help Mia with Homework"..."Coupon to Stay Out of Your Room"..."Coupon for a Hug"..."Coupon to NOT make fun of you"...and "Coupon to Take Pictures".

I treated myself to four 16 oz jars of raw, organic coconut water.  This is the BEST tasting coconut water on the market.  It is basically two full coconuts without anything else.  It's $4 dollars a bottle--not exactly a cheap habit, but oh, I love it.  It reminds me of my mom. She was buying fresh coconuts all the time, and I can remember her chopping away at the coconuts at 2 a.m. in the morning.

I love my children SOOOOO much.  They have given me so much.  My life is better.  My life is worthy and it means something because of those babies.

I hope everyone else had a great Mother's Day.  I'm on medication and am starting to drift to la la land....goodnight.