My 9-Year Old Boy Genius

Brandon (aka Brandonio) turned 9 years old on Valentines Day.  I asked if I could take a few photo to commemorate the beginning of his 9th year, and with an earful of complaints, he finally gave in to my request.

I think, in terms of personality, Brandon is most similar to me.  He is incredibly bright. Yes, I think I'm pretty sharp, too.  Brandon, however, far surpasses me in any intellectual abilities. He is very conscientious about his school work, and almost always gets 100 percents with the occasional 90 percents.  I know this may be wrong, but when Brandon got a C+, I made him explain the reason for that grade.  You see, Brandon never gets Cs so this was a bit of a shock, but he had a very good explanation. We were in Texas for my dad's funeral and while most students had two weeks to complete a project, Brandon had one.

 He is competitive and aggressive.  It doesn't matter that he may not be the most skilled player; he has a competitive drive that makes him determined to "hustle" and give it his all at every sport he plays.  He is also confident and fearless.  It doesn't matter if he isn't that good in something; he will still get out there and do it.  He doesn't care what people think.

He is growing up, but still craves my attention.  He wants to be tucked in bed every night, and sometimes, I reluctantly tuck him in, but then I remind myself, these special times are coming to an end so enjoy and relish each moment. 

Like his older brother, he is developing a passion for basketball.  He has done so much in his 9 years.  He did jiu jitsu for four years, baseball for three seasons, flag football for two seasons, and three seasons of basketball.  His favorite, by far, is basketball.

He is very talkative.  I was actually surprised to learn this.  When I went to volunteer in his classroom, a teacher's aide told me she had been in Brandon's class since kindergarten, and he NEVER stops talking.

He is caring with everyone except Mia.  He is always willing to help out those who need it. For some reason, he cannot stand his sister.

Brandon stills enjoys cuddling with me. He is growing up, but he will always be my little boy.  I am so excited about his future and am so proud of him.  Watch out world! This boy is going to do AMAZING things!

Early Life in Vietnam

 

I was born in Saigon, Vietnam on November 7, 1971 and  lived the first three years of my life in the war torn city.   I spoke only Vietnamese. (English was my second language.)  When my parents returned to the states, they left me in Vietnam in the care of my grandparents.  During that period, I grew to believe that my maternal grandparents were my parents.  I was extremely close to my grandfather. He was a high-ranking military officer (comparable to an American colonel) in the South Vietnamese army.  There is a photo of my grandfather that I remember seeing as a child.  He is in front of a huge squad of military men, and he is walking in front inspecting the troops, with some other men following him.  I don’t remember a thing about those first three years, but from stories retold to me, I was a spoiled brat (a nightmare) who could do no wrong in my grandfather’s eyes.  Everyone was afraid of me, including his own military subordinates.  I would give orders, and people were so in fear of my grandfather that they obeyed me.   His subordinates would drive me around while I barked orders.  I was not very likable, but I was adorable.  Looking back at photos, I can see the strong resemblance between Mia and me.  When my parents returned to Vietnam to take me back to the states, my dad told me that it was the first time my mom had ever seen her father cry.  It was also the last time I ever saw my grandfather.  When the war ended, he was imprisoned for the remainder of his life.  When he finally got released, he only lived a few brief months.  I really wish I could have known him.  He was a very strong man with great leadership skills. 

 

Newborn with my grandma

with Yvette

I look like a boy.  I love the packs of cigarettes next to me.

 

When my parents married, my Vietnamese grandfather and grandmother did not attend my mom’s wedding because frankly, they did not accept him. It was not because he was an American.   It was because my dad was an enlisted man.  He was not an officer.  Of course, when their first grandchild was born, they soon accepted my dad.  In the first few years of their marriage, my parents were desperately poor, and my Vietnamese grandfather would send money to my parents in the states.  However, as time progressed and the war ended, it became the other way around.  My parents would send money to Vietnam.  It was my dad and mom who helped sponsor and bring the rest of the Vietnamese family over to the states.

My parents' wedding in Vietnam

 

 

with my grandma and grandpa and cousin. 

Vietnam was so tropical and with the heat, I developed a rash

 

must have been my grandfather's birthday.

 

My mom’s family loved my dad.  Though he left my mom under very unfavorable conditions, they would still keep in contact with him.  Over the last Thanksgiving, my Vietnamese grandma and aunt called my dad while I was visiting him.  They loved him.  When he passed away, my Vietnamese relatives were crushed.  He was still family to them, and to my cousins, he was always, “Uncle Roy”. 

Lance and I are planning on building a military service memorial type wall to be displayed in our house and eventually in the boat.  Both of our families have a rich history of military service.  We intend on duplicating  my dad’s military medals and creating a shadowbox for him and Lance.  We want to include photos as well.

 

 

 

 

 

Early Life in Vietnam.....

 

my two year birthday

 

Dear Sweet Dad,

 

 

Dear Sweet Dad,

My heart is broken, and I have cried daily since that tragic January 24, 2014 day.  It was a day that changed my world forever.  It was the day that I had to say goodbye to the man whom I love and who had been my wonderful father for 42 years. 

I'm so grateful I was able to be by your side and to hold your hand those last few hours.  It was so hard for me, but I was determined to be there for you as you had always been there for me.  I would not abandon you because you gave and sacrificed so much for me throughout my entire life.

I am also grateful that you lived longer than I had expected, but yet am I being greedy because I wanted you longer?  69 years is too short, but since I was 18, I had feared the day I would lose you and that's why I took so many photos and made many videos so I could immortalize as many memories as possible.  I watched one of the videos recently.  It was your interview by me filmed in 1996.  I also watched a Thanksgiving video where we went to shoot billiards and go dancing.  I loved seeing you dance and it reminded me how "cool" my dad was. (All my friends absolutely adored you.)   Your humor showed on the video when you took out your bridge and licked it clean with your tongue, getting a taste of ham in the process.  It makes me laugh, but with good memories comes pain.  I could not stop the endless flow of tears when the video progressed to us slow dancing. It was very painful to watch because I wanted to be in your arms again....just slow dancing with my Dad.

Your military funeral service was dignified and classy.  I wanted so very much to speak at the service, but I didn't know that was permitted until the day before so I quickly wrote down some thoughts in a very disorganized script.  I just wanted to share with the world what a great Dad you were and what an even better man you are.  I wanted everyone to know how deeply I love you.  The stronger the love, the deeper the pain, and I'm hurting so much now. 

Getting promoted to Master Sargent

In the interview, you said you were very proud of your military service.  I am proud that my dad was a veteran.

When I was younger, mom did not treat me with as much softness as I needed,but I don't resent her because she apologized to me, and I forgive her wholeheartedly, but the truth is that without you as a Dad, I am not quite sure how I would have ended up.  You loved me unconditionally and you showered me with affection which compensated for what I didn't get.  I never not once doubted that you loved me.  You made me feel special and valued.  All little girls need to feel loved and special and I had my Daddy who eradicated any negative feeling I ever had of myself.  I always felt the freedom to be me with you. I didn't have to act or try to make you proud. I wanted to, but I felt such unconditional love and acceptance from you .   Thank you for that, Dad.  You were so involved in our lives.  You attended school things.  You coached us in all our sports.  I even remember spending weekends playing two on two basketball games with you, Leroy, and Yvette.  By the way, we are all great athletes because a.) its part genetics which we inherited from you and b.) you taught us sports and to hustle and have that competitive drive.

In the interview, you talked about how you wanted to be remembered as being charitable, and honestly, Dad, there is no one who had a more soft, kind, giving heart than you.  I remember our soccer team that you coached, The Hurricanes, and how when the score was tied, you chose the disabled player with the prosthetic leg to kick the final penalty kick that ended the game.  Everyone was angry and could not comprehend why you would not choose someone else who would have guaranteed a win at such a critical moment, but no, you chose that kid, and I remember asking you why?  You told me it was because he deserved a chance.  That one gesture showed me what kind of spirit you have.

The Hurricanes soccer team. I was #7 and Leroy played on the team.  The kid with the prosthetic leg was #11.

I have said this to you before...divorce can be such an ugly thing full of hatred and bitterness.  When Jacob left me, he said "I want 'us' to be like your parents".   Out of everything, I so respect how we were able to do things as a big family with you, Mom, Pilar and everyone.  Those moments were such treasured memories for me.  I cannot emphasize that enough.  I loved being with everyone, and it showed me that divorce doesn't have to be ugly.  You also helped Mom when she was dying from cancer.   You and Pilar gave Mom money every month so she could pay her medical bills.  You were divorced for over 20 years and there was no obligation to do that, but you did.  You helped  mom when she needed it, and I will never forget that kindness.    When she was dying and asked for you, you were on the next plane to see her.  I won't ever forget that  either, Dad.  When Mom was dying, I heard you whisper to her, "the reason these kids are so wonderful is because of you, Ly. It is all because of you, Ly" but Dad, you were so very wrong.  It wasn't just because of mom; it was also because of you.  We are all college educated.  You instilled the value of kindness, selflessness, charity, hard work, education, and family in all of us.  We are who we are because we had such good parents.

We could all be together, and this meant everything to me.

with my mom and dad

with beautiful, sweet Pilar who was such a blessing to you.  I thank God for her.

You were so fun to be around. You made me laugh.   You had the GREATEST sense of humor. I told the chaplain who did your service that you were a contradiction, and he repeated this during the service.  You are a contradiction.  You are responsible, hard working,  funny, an instigator at times,  you liked to do or say  things for the shock value ; you were a fighter, completely direct and open in your communication, but then you had such a soft, gentle, sensitive, sweet, expressive, and emotional side.  You always told me how much you loved me with tears in your eyes.  Your softness was also expressed in your love for your dogs, which again is something that makes me proud to say, "like father, like daughter."

You posed with my bra and insisted I post it on Facebook.  Now, what Dad would do that? I'm proud to say, "that's MY dad!

showing your sense of humor

I love this picture because it shows your sense of humor.

Always making me laugh!!

I called you the afternoon before you were hospitalized that last time, and the last coherent words you ever said to me were, "I love you darling."  Yes, those were the last words you said to me that I could understand. I thank God for that.   I hope you know how much I loved you.  When we all sat in the hospital bed with you, holding your hand and telling you how much we loved you, could you hear us?  I hope so, Dad, because I love you so very much.  You need to know that.

I mentioned at your funeral about how keeping the "Fellows" in our names (Yvette and I) after we married was also an act of pride for the kind of father we had.  It is a testimony to you, Dad. I am so proud to be your daughter.  You taught me so much. You worked so hard for me. You gave me so much.  You loved me so much. You made me feel important and valued. 



You always kissed me!! You always told me you loved me.

Kissing Yvette and showing your love

It feels strange now because I'm an orphan. I have no parents alive anymore, and my heart breaks and tears fall rapidly down my face as I think of that.  I just want to hold you once last time.  One day, I know, we will see each other again.  Mia saw me crying and she reassured me, "Mommy.  You will see him again.  You will see him again, but you won't see me anymore." It is life.  Please be with me somehow in spirit until we meet again.  I still need you.

Dad, my sweet beautiful Dad.....  My heart is just broken now, but I'm going to try to cherish the wonderful memories, and instead of being sad all the time, I'm going to be grateful because I was blessed with the BEST Dad. My first son...your first grandson carries your name, Dylan Roy Bivens, and I gave him that name because its a testimony to the greatness of his grandfather.

You with your grandson who carries your name...Dylan Roy Bivens

When you finally left us, an onset of tears rushed, and I felt like I wanted to throw up.  I gagged.  I felt physically sick.  The pain of losing someone you love so much is almost too unbearable, but you are now an angel in heaven.  Rest, be happy, feel peace.  I will tell my kids about the kind of grandpa they had, and I'm certain Leroy and Yvette will do the same.  They will know all about Grandpa Roy.

....and Dad, most importantly, know....please, please know that

I love you, and I will never stop loving you. You are so loved..so very much loved.

Very, Very Proud to be Your Daughter,
Elizabeth Violet Fellows

I am Roy Stuart Fellows' daughter.