The Business of Marriage

I am a hopeless romantic, but I am also a realist.  I am in love with the love, but I also know that marriage cannot be sustained without more. A marriage is a business and its success depends on the efficiency of that business and how well the partners collaborate and strategize to achieve a mutual goal.

Lance and I are a “perfect” team.  We have accomplished so much in 2.5 years of marriage.  At times, I feel regret that we did not meet 20 years ago; I can only imagine all that we would have already accomplished.  A solid foundation would have already been developed and we would only just be applying finishing touches now.   Prior to being together, we both were in very one-sided relationships where the bulk of responsibility and action rested on one person.  Relationships like that are not only limited in growth potential, but  are doomed to fail as resentment grows.  In the marriage, a team must exist.

I periodically like to reflect on the past 2.5 years of our accomplishments. I feel, together, we are invincible and we can do ANYTHING.  

Results of the Wade/Fellows Union (est. March 18, 2011)

• Eliminated all credit card debt
• Almost eliminated all back taxes (in 6 months, it will be eliminated)
• Established a living trust (met with a lawyer and filed with the court)
• Sold a yacht
• Sold a motorcycle
• Sold a vehicle
• Paid off a Dodge truck
• Paid off a van
• Established a 457k plan for Lance and developed an active strategy for retirement
• Purchased a 70-ft yacht
• Refinanced the house twice to a shorter term (15-year fixed) with a much lower interest rate
• Opened up multiple joint accounts and updated all beneficiary information
• Adopted two dogs
• Completely refurnished the house (patio furniture, living room, dining room etc)
• Completely redecorated the house (all bedrooms, bathrooms, etc)
• Had every possible medical pre-screen test to ensure a healthy well-being; completely current on every diagnostic screening possible
• Started a business; Tide the Knott is NOW registered as a business
• Purchased a new Dodge truck
• Added Liz to DEERS and the Navy Retirement account
• Assigned (Lance) to a new career position and a new division
• Relocated (Lance) residence to OC
• Had an intimate, wedding/anniversary celebration
• Ran at least 25 half marathons and about 10 other races (Ragnar, 10Ks, 10 milers)
• Took an elaborate 12- day honeymoon to Eastern Europe
• Traveled extensively nationwide 
•           Texas: El Paso, Austin, San Antonio (at least 8 times)
•           Napa Valley, San Francisco
•           Arizona (3 times)
•           Las Vegas (multiple times)
•           Florida Keys

I think the first step to ensuring the livelihood of the marriage is having similar values and establishing mutual goals.  We are both, intelligent, educated, self-sufficient, resourceful, and have a strong work ethic.  We both value family, hard work, independence, self-reliance, and education.  We want a secure future; decisions are made with this in consideration.  We plan for the unexpected.  We strategize for growth.  We also counterbalance each other.  My weaknesses are his strengths and vice versa.  Lance's income is substantially more than mine, but he is not as financially smart.  He lives by the moment whereas I am a planner;  I think I inherited this trait from my mother.  I believe in investing and developing a sound safety net for all the “what ifs”.  I want the kids protected should something happen.  I want my assets protected as well.  Whether it be a result of two divorces that forced him to start over, Lance had little to show for all the years of hard work.  Plus, as a single guy, he lived in the present with little concern for the future.  I am the polar opposite.  My 77,000+ income is considered poverty level in Southern California; in another state, I might be considered "comfortable".   What I feel pride for is my ability to maximize that limited resource and to build upon it.  At the age of 41, and prior to meeting Lance, I had something (maybe not much), but something to show.... 

Though my computer skills are far from being mediocre, Lance surpasses me in that area.  He is able to create amazing spreadsheets and graphs so when I have information that we need organized, Lance is able to format the information in an easily digestible manner. I am mechanically challenged whereas Lance can fix anything, which is an unbelievable comfort to me.  My husband is both white and blue collar.  I don't know any man who is both.

What I find so refreshing and a completely new experience is being able to bounce ideas off of someone. I don’t have the pressure from knowing everything rests on me; if I make the wrong decision, it used to be solely on my shoulders.  I like the comfort of having someone to share the burden of making life changing decisions.  I love that I can share an idea, and he responds, always making it better.  There is also an unquestionable trust in each other's judgment.

We are deeply in love; no question about it,  but what I take pride in is that we have an extremely efficient and productive partnership.

I feel secure.  I feel stressed free.  I feel confident.  I feel empowered.  Together, we can accomplish anything.  The marriage is more than solid; it is passionate in love and successful in business.