85 Percent of Our Story

A few weeks ago, I felt the need to get away from 'people'.  This need resurfaces periodically. 

I shut off Facebook and unpublished every post on this blog.  Immediately, I began having Facebook withdrawals, but it's not what you would think...not in the slightest.  What you may find surprising is that I realized that what I missed most about Facebook was my daily Raju, elephants, and Wildlife SOS updates. Lance would even ask me what was going on with Raju, and I couldn't tell him. After three days, I reactivated my account. Every day, I log onto Facebook to find out what is going on with my elephants.

The blog, Our Story, was another matter.  I started questioning if I should continue it or just scrap the entire thing.  The reason I started the blog was so that I could eventually print it one day and have it as a journal, an heirloom to be given to my children.  However,  the blog is not written for me.  It is written for an audience.  I choose my words cautiously, pour cold water on my irritations, and sometimes blatantly lie, and I do this all for the reader.  The blog contains about 85 percent truth.  The other 15 percent is either untruths, exaggerated truths, or just deliberate silence.  The question then came to fruition. Why would I want to leave my children something that was anything less than 100 percent truth?  Why am I writing for others?  Why don't I just resume my journal writing (which I did from the age of 13 - 33) and be completely naked without fear of judgement? It would be a real reflection of who I am. The reason I am not 100 percent truthful in this blog is because I have to be considerate of the feelings of others.  When I think someone or something is completely offensive, I keep my mouth shut but in reality, I'm telling them or it to f**k off .   When something irritiates the f**k the out of me, I tell the world I smell roses.

Moreover, not everything is sunshine and rainbows.  I have moments where I want to tell the world to f*ck off....that my kids drive me completely nuts....that I can be a narcissistic, selfish, piece of shit.....that I completely fail as a mother at times.......that Lance and I have had some very nasty arguments....blah blah blah. None of that is in here, and frankly, it never will be because again, this blog is written with a reader in mind.

So do I stop the blog?  I did for two weeks, and I resumed writing in a journal-- a journal with my complete unadulterated, uncensored thoughts---something that no one except my children will read -it will be a part of the legacy I leave my kids, and it will be nothing but my HONEST thoughts and feelings. It will be my truth.

So the fate of the blog?

I have decided that I'll continue this blog because it does keep family and friends updated on what is happening in our lives--and for that specific and very important purpose, I think the blog should be kept alive.  The blog should be continued because I do want to share with our loved ones what is happening in our very chaotic lives.  Plus, it is nice to have an album of photos with texts to memoralize the moment.

However, dear reader, you will just have to accept that it is not and will never be 100 percent "our story".