85 Percent of Our Story

A few weeks ago, I felt the need to get away from 'people'.  This need resurfaces periodically. 

I shut off Facebook and unpublished every post on this blog.  Immediately, I began having Facebook withdrawals, but it's not what you would think...not in the slightest.  What you may find surprising is that I realized that what I missed most about Facebook was my daily Raju, elephants, and Wildlife SOS updates. Lance would even ask me what was going on with Raju, and I couldn't tell him. After three days, I reactivated my account. Every day, I log onto Facebook to find out what is going on with my elephants.

The blog, Our Story, was another matter.  I started questioning if I should continue it or just scrap the entire thing.  The reason I started the blog was so that I could eventually print it one day and have it as a journal, an heirloom to be given to my children.  However,  the blog is not written for me.  It is written for an audience.  I choose my words cautiously, pour cold water on my irritations, and sometimes blatantly lie, and I do this all for the reader.  The blog contains about 85 percent truth.  The other 15 percent is either untruths, exaggerated truths, or just deliberate silence.  The question then came to fruition. Why would I want to leave my children something that was anything less than 100 percent truth?  Why am I writing for others?  Why don't I just resume my journal writing (which I did from the age of 13 - 33) and be completely naked without fear of judgement? It would be a real reflection of who I am. The reason I am not 100 percent truthful in this blog is because I have to be considerate of the feelings of others.  When I think someone or something is completely offensive, I keep my mouth shut but in reality, I'm telling them or it to f**k off .   When something irritiates the f**k the out of me, I tell the world I smell roses.

Moreover, not everything is sunshine and rainbows.  I have moments where I want to tell the world to f*ck off....that my kids drive me completely nuts....that I can be a narcissistic, selfish, piece of shit.....that I completely fail as a mother at times.......that Lance and I have had some very nasty arguments....blah blah blah. None of that is in here, and frankly, it never will be because again, this blog is written with a reader in mind.

So do I stop the blog?  I did for two weeks, and I resumed writing in a journal-- a journal with my complete unadulterated, uncensored thoughts---something that no one except my children will read -it will be a part of the legacy I leave my kids, and it will be nothing but my HONEST thoughts and feelings. It will be my truth.

So the fate of the blog?

I have decided that I'll continue this blog because it does keep family and friends updated on what is happening in our lives--and for that specific and very important purpose, I think the blog should be kept alive.  The blog should be continued because I do want to share with our loved ones what is happening in our very chaotic lives.  Plus, it is nice to have an album of photos with texts to memoralize the moment.

However, dear reader, you will just have to accept that it is not and will never be 100 percent "our story".

A Trip To Texas With the Boys

Every September near Labor Day weekend, Lance travels to Texas for an annual hunting trip with the guys. It is his time to unleash the testosterone without any restraints.   He tries to make it out to Texas to see his ole buddies twice a year.  About a half dozen guys stay on a  ranch belonging to Ken.  Lance’s good friend from high-school, Paul, has a trailer on the ranch, and this becomes Lance’s home for four days.   They spend the early morning hours and the nights hunting dove.  During the day, the heat takes a toll so their days are consumed with chatting about old times, watching football games, and drinking coke and whisky or beer. I asked Lance how successful he was on the hunting, and he personally didn’t do all too well, but he wasn’t disappointed because it is not the hunting that lures him to Texas, but the reunion with his friends . 

 

Lance is not a picture taker and since I was not there, I don’t have an abundance of photos to commemorate the guys’ weekend.  Fortunately, Lance’s friend Keith sent me some photos.  He was very considerate because he knew I was missing Lance.  Lance will return back to Texas in early December for another hunt, which I know he enjoys and looks forward to.  I don’t hunt, and I have no desire to ever hunt so I will never accompany Lance on these trips.  Plus, I think it is important that he has a guys’ weekend so he can strengthen this brotherly bond even more. 

 

I know there are complaints from his Texas friends that he doesn’t go as frequently as he did when he was single or that his visits are not as lengthy.  I know I get blamed for this, and the truth is I am responsible.  Circumstances have changed.  Lance is married and he has a family, and we like to take family vacations. I don’t think this is peculiar….I mean, most families take family vacations, don't they?  Isn’t that normal?  Moreover, Lance has three children in three different states.  He needs to see them as well.  With his obligations to me, his own kids, and his friends, he just doesn’t have an endless amount of vacation time.  He can’t take a week off each time he travels to Texas, and he can’t travel to Texas three-four times a year anymore, because if he did, he couldn't take a family vacation with me and he would never see his own children. 

 

Change is sometimes difficult to accept, but it’s an inherent part of life, and sometimes it’s actually a good thing, and quite honestly, in this case—it’s a GREAT thing.  Lance is as happy as he has ever been!

Softball

I know I complain frequently about softball, but truthfully, it is my favorite sport to play.  I love the game. I don't like watching it because it is slow-paced, but I like playing it.  I've been running during Mia's two-hour practices, which is perfect conditioning preparation for the Long Beach Half Marathon I have scheduled next month.  Mia loves the game, and I know this because last weekend, she begged me to play catch with her in the yard and after we threw the ball, she begged me to take her to the batting cages.

Mia had her first game of the Fall season last Saturday.  Again, I was at the softball fields from 11 a.m. - 3:30 p.m. Long days in hot sun.....I love watching her though, and I know each time she comes up to bat, she searches for me, and I want her to always find me watching her with a proud smile on my face.  I am so very proud of her.

Why Would You Marry Someone With Three Kids? My Response

The "BURDEN" Lance took on



I once wrote an essay on the importance of being self-reliant . I am independent and self-sufficient, and I pride myself on these traits.  .  My mom instilled the value in me to always be self-reliant and to NOT need a man to support me.

 

There is a particularly sensitive and sore issue with me that periodically resurfaces in people’s perception of my marriage with Lance. I have written about this before, and I have voiced my resentment about it, and now I choose to devote an entire blog posting to address this soreness. 

 

I WAS NOT SAVED.  LANCE DID NOT RESCUE ME.  

 

“Why would you marry someone with three kids? Why would you take on that responsibility? Why would you want that burden?  No man would do that.”  Blah. Blah. Blah.  Blah.  

 

All these questions and comments irritate me.  Why? Because these questions/comments imply that I needed to be rescued and saved, which  completely contradicts who I am and what I take pride in – my self-sufficiency.  Moreover, it is incredibly insulting because it also implies that I am not marriage material and that any single person with children from a previous marriage is not marriage material.  Should I be kneeling down before him with gratitude for marrying me because no man would do that?  "Oh, thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you".  As lucky as I am to have married and found Lance, he is just as blessed to have found and married me.

 

Here are the facts: 

 

Before I met Lance, I had a full-time job (the same current job I hold).  I made and make fairly decent money. I have supported myself and my kids on my own.  I had/have a house in which I was making the mortgage payments on my own.  I invested a substantial amount in retirement planning on my own.   I took/financed vacations and traveled to Italy, Russia, New York, San Francisco etc.  on my own.  I established college savings accounts for my kids on my own.  I wasn’t this pathetic and feeble girl who sat on her ass waiting for some man on a white horse to come and rescue me.  There is no debating the fact that Lance’s income is greater than mine, and yes, he has made my life much more comfortable, but I refused to be defined as a meek woman who could not take care of herself or her kids. Circumstances did not change when we married.   I didn’t quit my job and expect him to carry the burden of supporting me and my children.  Furthermore,  I also help Lance because he gets a house and child tax deduction, which he did not receive before.  I also have more benefits at our employer because my years of service is greater, and I carry him on the health insurance.  I contribute greatly to this marriage just as he does.  We are equal partners. 

 

Additionally, marrying someone with kids? Why, why would anyone do that? The fact is that they do.  Forty to fifty percent of marriages in America end up in divorce.  This isn’t a surprising statistic.   I know more people who have been divorce than those that have been in one marriage.  Now if you look at these statistics and you inquire as to why anyone would marry someone with kids from a previous marriage, it would imply that NO ONE ever ever ever remarries.  The truth, however, is that people do. Thus, the blended family is born.  If men and   women never remarried a person with kids then the blended family would not exist, but in reality, there are more blended families than there are original families .  Blended families can create challenges as the family dynamics are different and much more complex, but Lance and I had a very serious discussion on how we would handle these challenges, and I think we have done a better than average job.  It’s simple.  Our family works.  Lance does take a pivotal role in raising these children.  He is very involved, attends their school functions and extracurricular activities, and I do recognize it does require a big commitment and time, but that is something he chooses to do – not something I asked or expected him to do (Need versus Desire).  Does this limit his freedom ?  I would argue with anyone who makes this claim.  Lance is given the liberty to go down to San Diego for the weekends.  I don’t handcuff him to me or the kids.  He can do what he wants when he wants.  I could easily ask Lance to support me and the kids because I want to be a stay-at-home mom, and I know he would do it, but because I value the options and the independence that my career offers me, I don’t do this. Moreover, I could use my feminine manipulation and ask him to sell the boat because I want a bigger house, but again, I don’t do this because I recognize Lance’s love of the water, and I could never take that away from him though I know he would sacrifice his happiness for mine instantly. 

 

Though Lance did not rescue me by marrying me, he did make my life SO MUCH better.  Fact.  Marriage (a good marriage that is) is not supposed to bring someone down.  It is not an anchor (a burden) that drags a person down.  A good marriage elevates a person to be better than they are.  I have a partner, and WE work TOGETHER to build our future and create our shared dreams.  I have someone who I can rely on when the waters get rough. I have someone who I trust implicitly to be my side, to make decisions, and to take action for the betterment of our marriage and family.  A responsibility/burden is defined by need versus desire. I don’t need a man to take care of me or my kids.  I want a man to share my life with.  I don’t need Lance.  If he were to leave me tomorrow, I would be able to take care of myself and my children.  I don’t need him.  I WANT HIM, and quite honestly, I want him in a very deep, passionate, unhealthy way.  =)  He complements me.  He loves me.  He makes me feel beautiful and secure.  He offers me companionship and a friendship that is unequal to any I ever had.  He makes me a better person. He makes everything better.   He is an AMAZING husband and a STEPFATHER.  I love him wholeheartedly and would do anything for him. 

 

However, if all of this fell apart tomorrow….just so YOU know…..I could and would stand on my own two feet, and that is the truth.

 

 

First Day of School 2014



Kids on the last day of school (June 2014)

 

The first day of school is met with excitement and dread.  The kids are excited to return to school activities and see friends.  I’m lucky that my kids love school.  I, however, am much less inclined to be excited because I know the next 9 ½ months are going to be consumed with endless homework and projects.  As a parent who cares very much about my child’s academic success, I devote a lot of time/energy to giving them the support they need.  It becomes even more of a commitment when you have a child that struggles in school.  Mia needs extra support.  I have to spend every evening working with her on reading and other activities, and quite honestly, after a nine-hour work day, I sometimes just want to go home and do nothing, absolutely nothing, but I can’t.  It is my responsibility to help my kids excel. 

Mia has the cutest backpack and her lunch bag matches.  Brandon has a waterproof Nike bag.  Yep, we are a Nike obsessed family.

 

Brandon is in 4^th grade and has Mr. Adams, the teacher that Dylan had in 4^th grade….the teacher that Dylan HATED…the teacher that Dylan warned Brandon about.  Brandon was concerned, but I told him that he and Dylan are two very different students.  Brandon was especially pleased that he has Maddox, his cousin, in his class.  Mia is in the 2^nd grade.  I worry about her.  I want her to do well.  Over the summer, we worked on counting money, telling time, spelling, and sight words.  We could have done more, but I’m thankful that we at least did some studying.  Dylan is a sophomore in high school.  He has a difficult class schedule.  We have imposed a strict schedule that allows for 90 minutes of study time every evening.  Dylan is not doing cross country this year.  He is going to try out for the wrestling team.  He has had four years of jiu jitsu training and has completed in jiu jitsu tournaments so I think he has a good chance.

 

Photos from the first day of school minus Dylan.  I forgot to take Dylan’s photos.  =(

 

Gosh, she is absolutely BEAUTIFUL.

Mia and Brandon with their cousins Maddox and Sienna

 

So the school year has officially began....We have to start off organized and ready to tackle it! Let's do this!

Let's Play Ball!

Times have changed. The competitive nature of sports have intensified requiring a more focused and determined young athlete.  When I was young, I played for fun.  I had natural athletic ability, and I excelled in every sport, but I did not practice endlessly nor did I start as a toddler.  Today, parents are placing their children in sports at the ages of three or four.  If your child is 9 and suddenly wants to play soccer or baseball, their skill level will be far behind as they will be playing with other kids who already have five years of experience.  Moreover, practice schedules are long and frequent during the week.  It requires a major commitment from the player and his family.  When I was young and as the seasons changed ,so did my sports.  We played everything.  I played soccer, softball, and basketball.  Today, most kids focus on one sport.  They play it all year around.  By the time these kids reach adolescent, they are quite skilled in their sport.  It is the parents drive and the expectation that a scholarship will result from all this effort.  We live in California.  Dylan’s high school has a student population of 3500.  To make a high-school team sport, you have to be pretty damn good.  You are competing against many kids who have spent years perfecting their skill in a sport.

 

I started Mia in softball last Fall, and yes, there were kids on Mia’s team who were 4.  She moved up a level this Fall and is now playing a much more competitive, intense kid fast pitch softball game.  Her team consist of 7 and 8 year old girls.  Some of these pitchers leave me gaping in shock.  They pitch FAST.  I don’t even think I could hit the ball.  Mia’s team practices three days a week for two hours.  Intense.  They also participated in a softball tournament over Labor Day weekend.  This was our first softball tournament, and it was EXHAUSTING.  She played 6 games in two days before her team was eliminated.  Her team, the Dirt Divas, placed 3^rd in the tournament.  We basically spent all day at the softball fields only to return in the evening for another game and then again early the following morning for yet another game.  When her team got eliminated, I was happy because I secretly wanted to go home.  You should have seen my facial expression when the coach told the girls there would be two more tournaments before the season ended.  Two more tournaments????!!!!!  HELP ME!!!!

 

Mia is HOT and tired.  Long, long, long days out on the softball fields in the sun.

Mia only hit the ball once during the tournament.  These kids pitch fast!

 

at the end of the games, the girls go on the softball field and do a chant and dance. It's cute.

  

Mia is enjoying herself so I will continue to be supportive., but truthfully,  I don’t know if I can keep up with this level of intensity.  I’m exhausted.  She is playing in Fountain Valley. Fountain Valley has a great and very competitive softball/baseball program.   Several Fountain Valley High School students have gone to the pros.   It is up to her how far she wants to go.  She has a lot to learn.  She stops ground balls easily. She catches some, but she still needs to work heavily on her catching.  She bats extraordinarily well when the coach pitches, but she has a hard time hitting the kid pitches.  She is learning to not swing at every ball and to differentiate between a good versus bad pitch.  I’m proud of her.

 

 

For the next two months, I’ll be out at the softball fields all the time.