Our Story (85 Percent): My Dad (An Early Father's Day Tribute)

People frequently have commented how much I resemble my mother, not only physically but characteristically as well. I can identify with those comparisons, but as much as I am like my mother, I am very much like my father as well.

If I were to describe my dad…..loud, obnoxious, crude, vulgar, doesn’t give a sh*t what people think, full of vices, fun, funny, embarrassing, instigator, selfless, hardworking, giving, sensitive, emotional, caring, easy to talk to, and extremely generous….

My dad, Roy S. Fellows, was born in Paducah, Kentucky, but was raised in a large family in New Orleans. He is the oldest (twin) son in a family of six children. As a youth, my dad was a rebel and a trouble maker. He did not do well in school. It wasn't because he was stupid, but he just didn't really give a sh*t. He also started smoking at a young age after being cut from the track team. He was runner like me. He was very athletic which is something I inherited from him. Shortly after graduation, he enlisted in the army and was later sent to Saigon, Vietnam where he met my mother. Both my mom and dad have retold the story of their fateful meeting. He was reading Gone with the Wind, and she approached him saying, “you must be the last person in the world to read that book”. My dad married my mom even though her family did not approve. Her parents did not attend the wedding. My mom's father was a high ranking official in the South Vietnamese army, and my dad, an enlisted man, was not good enough. They had three children together, and by the time, we came into the picture, my mom's parents accepted my dad. I know being the first grand kids played a heavy role in that. Before the fall of Saigon, my dad took us all back to the states where we spent the next few years living the life of army brats.

My Dad and my Mom at their wedding in Saigon, Vietnam in 1969.

My dad has a loud, boisterous personality. Most people find him either very offensive or hilarious. For me, he is hilarious and just FUN. However, he can be incredibly embarrassing. He is obnoxious and can be crude, blunt, and shocking. He will test people’s limits by making completely inappropriate comments. He just doesn’t give a sh*t. People who can shrug off some of the things he says are the ones who get along famously with him. When I was growing up, my friends loved hanging out with my dad. He was very involved with us as children, coaching our athletic teams.

Photo from last summer - My dad with my bra on. He insisted that I post it on Facebook.

My dad loving on Lance.

My dad showing his fun side.

My dad is also the hardest working man. Being an enlisted man in the army, we did not have a lot of money so my dad worked two jobs to provide for his family. As a child, I remember him delivering newspapers (before he went to his day job) for that extra income.

Dad with the three of us.

My dad is also the most generous man I have ever known.

What I love and respect most about my dad is the relationship he and my mother had. They separated when I was 13 years old and finalized their divorce when I was about 18. My dad had an affair, and he ended his marriage to my mom. I don’t blame my dad for the affair. I love my parents deeply, but some people just are not meant to be together. Obviously and as expected, the divorced created some hurt and anger, but what I love about my parents is how they behaved in the years after the divorce. We continued to do things as a family. I’m not saying we took every vacation together, but there were many many times over the holidays or even non-holidays that we would all get together, which is incredibly unique. Most divorce couples do not sustain a close relationship with their ex spouse, but my parents did. In fact, when I write about this, it makes me cry. I have many memories of my dad, mom, and my siblings together sharing good times “after the divorce”. Most couples end up hating each other and could never tolerate being in the same room with each other. My parents were an extraordinary exception. There are videos of all of us just hanging out as a family even though my parents were no longer married. I cannot emphasis what an effect that had on me.

My parents would still complain negatively about each other (like an old married couple), but there was never a doubt in my mind that they loved each other deeply. I know they were not in love, but they loved each other.

During one of the family times where we all spent time together as a family even though my parents were not married anymore. My mom was undergoing chemo treatment. My dad's sweet wife, Pilar, is to the left of him.

Not the best photo of my mom because she has something stuck in her teeth, but it shows how special the relationship my parents had....they were divorced but still cared deeply for each other. This is my parents with my nephew Aidan.

My dad with my mom's mother and sister. My parents divorced, but my mom's family always loved my dad. He helped get them all to this country.

My mom was diagnosed with Ovarian cancer, and she bravely battled this disease for almost five years. She stopped working and had to undergo vigorous treatment. Her medical bills were astronomical, and she asked my dad if he would financially help her. My dad had remarried, and there was no obligation. Their divorce was finalized over 20 years ago. What makes my dad such an extraordinary and giving man was my dad began to send my mom money every month to help her with medical bills. He continued this until the day she died. I have to give credit to his wonderful wife, Pilar, too. He remarried an amazing woman who didn't complain about my dad sending money to his ex wife. I will never forget what he and Pilar did for my mom when she was sick.

In addition, during my mom’s last few days when she was drifting in and out of consciousness, she began to talk about my dad. We called my dad and told him that mom kept talking about him. My dad took the next plane out and was in California the very next day. My mom was barely conscious, but I could hear my dad telling her that he loved her and that it was because of her that Yvette, Leroy, and I had turned out so well. He was there with her when she died.

My dad may not have made the most money. He may not have been super successful in a career. He may have divorced my mom. He may have embarrassed the hell out of me many times. He may smoke like a chimney and drink like a fish. He may be crude and obnoxious, but I will say this…..there is no man with a more giving, generous, and kind soul than my dad.

I have been married twice. In my first marriage, I kept my maiden name. When I married Lance, he really wanted me to take “Wade”. I could not give up the “Fellows” so I became Fellows-Wade. It was not just about independence. It was also because I am proud. I am proud of my family. I am proud to be a Fellows. Most importantly, I am very,very proud to be Roy S. Fellows’ daughter.

I am his daughter. I think God blessed me with a really amazing dad, but he is more than that. He is a really, really good man.