I am very proactive when it comes to my health, and I am always up to date on my screenings. I scheduled an elective colonoscopy for myself last Friday as my mother had rectal cancer in her late 40s. As a result of the procedure, it is suspected that I have Crohn's disease. I didn't even know anything about it.....my only exposure to it was through the Rock and Roll Las Vegas Half Marathon; a race that benefits and raises awareness for Crohn's. I have ran it three consecutive years, and with this recent diagnosis, I'm going to make it a goal to run it yearly.
When the doctor expressed his suspicions that I have Crohn's, I began to research as much information about it as possible, and of course, the internet can be quite scary. I started to get very depressed and afraid. A week of constant worry also allowed me to think seriously about things, and I began to feel really selfish. I think you need to always remind yourself of all the blessings in life. It is so easy to get caught up in the "bad" things, and I think a key component to happiness is to always appreciate and be grateful for all the good things.
I am so blessed. Before I went to see the doctor, I prayed that I would not have Crohn's, but after the doctor stated he was pretty certain I did, I drove to work this morning and I prayed again, but this time, I thanked God. My life is good and I will not forget that.
There are three things that give me insurmountable strength.
God
My kids
Exercise
I am not an overtly religious person. Religion has always been deeply personal to me. I dont attend church regularly. I dont read the bible daily, and I dont have open discussions about God often, but what I do very very regularly is pray. As I've gotten older, I've come to ask less of God and express more gratitude. When I do ask for something, I often feel selfish asking because I've already been given me too much. I sometimes thinks its unfair how blessed I am. I'm so deeply thankful for all that he has given me.
My kids make me a fighter because my love for them knows no bounds, and I will fight with passion to give them the best I can, and that also means fighting for my own well-being.
I am a firm and passionate believer in the power of exercise. I think if someone exercises for physical beauty, the chances of it becoming a permanent lifestyle change is minimized. Because of a health scare, I started exercising when I was in my late 20s, and it has followed me since then. I do it because I want to be healthy, and I do it because it helps me mentally. I need "exercise" to survive. It is my anti depressent drug.
Back to Crohn's....I am doing a stool test and a blood test for the genetic markers. This will confirm the diagnosis. It is suspected that I subclinical Crohn's which means I have no symptoms. The doctor wants me to have a colonoscopy every three years; other than that, no lifestyle changes. I am not taking any medicine. As the doctor said, "Why give medicine with side effects to a person who feels healthy and well and has no symptoms?" I've also been advised to not take any type of anti inflammatory drugs like ibuprofen. Easily done. The doctor told me I could have had this disease for years, but never knew it. He said that even though my colon is not normal, people with active crohn's would want my colon....that's how very mild and scattered it is....I would have never known that I had this either if I never got the elective colonoscopy. He said I could stay like this for the rest of my life--no symptoms. I am hoping for that, but if that is not the case, I will deal with it.
I am keeping my sense of humor. Dylan saw a water bottle in my room yesterday and asked, "Whose water is this? Can I have some?" I told him, "Its not Brandon's. It is mine. You can't catch Brandon's flu....." Brandon was sick with some stomach virus. So Dylan opens the water bottle and starts gulping....and then I add, "you can't catch the flu but you can catch Crohn's." He immediately stopped and almost gagged. I just started laughing. Lance has made some jokes and said he would hose me off when I'm older.
With all this being said, I'm so blessed. I have an amazing husband who is so good and supportive of me. I love Lance so very deeply. He gives me strength, and I feel so secure around him. My kids are my very lifeline. They are what make my heart beat...I will always be the most blessed person in the world because I was chosen to be Dylan, Brandon, and Mia's mommy. They are my life's greatest gift. And God, I will never take for granted what I have and will always be grateful for all the goodness you have given me. You have been more than good to me, and I only want to be worthy of your blessings.
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